Lonely Lovers
by Haiku Kitten
Summary: It wasn't fair but when was life ever fair? Rated for suggested sex but no actual sex . Light/L, AU thing set somewhere between Higuchi and episode 25.


**Lonely Lovers**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M for implied sex.

Pairing: Light/L

Warnings: None

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Death Note.

**Author's Note: **This takes place sometime between Higuchi's capture and L's death. It might be AU, really, as I suppose it could be seen as a "what if this had happened after the rain scene" fic but I guess that's up to the reader. Don't take it too seriously, it's just a drabble, lol.

**Lonely Lovers**

L makes his way back into the room stiffly, absently heading for the bed until he notices that Light is still laying there and the bed sheets are still soiled with sweat and semen and blood. He pauses and wraps his arms around his waist, as if the soft, fluffy bathrobe he has covered himself with is not enough protection. His dark, critical eyes narrow as he observes the mess that Light has quite happily made for them both.

Said brunet rolls over and looks at him with a bemused expression. "Ryuzaki… it was just sex," the boy murmurs, like this whole thing was as simple as having a tennis match or playing a game of chess. Maybe to Light it is.

"I know," L replies defensively because he doesn't like this feeling. He doesn't like it when Light knows more about something than he does. He really doesn't like feeling totally in the dark. Was it _just sex_? Is there even such a thing as 'just sex?'

He glances away, embarrassed, and his arms tighten their hold. Normally, he asks questions when he doesn't understand something. He has never been ashamed to ask intimate, prying things that make the others around him squirm uncomfortably. But he has never been the uncomfortable one before. It isn't a fun feeling at all.

Light smiles softly and sits up in the bed. The sheets pool around his waist, revealing his upper torso. L has vivid memories now of that slender, toned body moving above him, moving inside of him. He isn't sure that he can push those memories to the back of his mind like he should and pretend that nothing ever happened.

"Come here," Light instructs gently, reaching out his arms to L. The detective moves hesitantly towards him and allows the boy to pull him close and hold him. Light cradles L's head against his chest and L closes his eyes, listening to the slow, steady beat of Light's heart. "Don't be so scared," Light whispers, lips pressed against L's hair. "Oh, Ryuzaki…" He laughs softly, sweetly. "You're alright. We're alright."

"Are we?" L wonders out loud but he relaxes a little. He likes this, even though he shouldn't. Light's body is warm and comforting, his arms strong and safe. "I'd never had sex before," he remarks because it's something that has been bugging him. Light seems so at ease about his whole 'sex' thing but it was L's first time. He knows enough to realize that one's first time is 'special' and a bit of a big deal.

"Did you like it?" Light asks without shame, lazily running his fingertips through L's hair.

L isn't sure how to answer. It's undeniable that there were aspects of it that he did like. The pleasure was intense but at the same time, it terrifies him; the fact that Light so easily overpowered him and manipulated him into that sort of situation… it scares him.

"Are you Kira?" he asked and his words come out thick with emotion because his throat feels clogged and his eyes are burning. This could be a murderer he's lying with in the midst of the remnants of their sin.

In response, Light suddenly moves to push L down against the mattress, his body graceful and strong as a lion. L wonders if he is merely a wounded gazelle in Light's eyes, vulnerable and ripe for the picking. Light leans down and gently places soft kisses on L's cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his mouth… L's eyes drift closed again.

"You won't let me go, will you?" he asks, voicing the paranoid thoughts that have been plaguing him since Higuchi's capture. "You've trapped me here, Light…"

"Fair is fair," Light replies. "You kept me trapped here. But you're being overly dramatic. It was just sex. We don't have to do it again if you don't want to."

L hates himself because he wants to say that it's okay with him if they do it again. It isn't okay, he reminds himself. "I didn't mean the sex," he mumbles and the word feels strange and sounds clumsy coming from his lips. "I just meant… you're making sure I can't leave. Why? Are you going to kill me?"

"You're paranoid." Light lies down next to him and wraps his arms securely around the detective. "If I wanted to kill you, why would I have sex with you? What could I possibly gain from that if I was Kira? I'm not stupid enough to think it would gain me your trust."

Surely there are a million reasons why Light took their relationship a few million steps forward tonight. L can't think of any of them right now. "… I wish," he begins hesitantly, "that you and I were two normal people who could… could be like this and not have to think about… what the other's motives are. I wish we could be…"

"We were," the brunet says as he pets L's hair. "You and I, we were as close as anyone could ever hope to be. Most people never know what a connection this deep is like, Ryuzaki. They move but they don't move together. They don't fit together like we do." He lets one hand brush down L's side to rest on L's hip as he says this, bringing back memories of just how well they fitted together.

L's breathe hitches. "Why is this all?" he asks childishly. "It isn't fair." And it isn't. L hates this. He hates that one or both of them is going to die and he hates that this is probably going to be the only time they ever have together. If he is the one who survives, he knows he will never be with another person like this. It took him twenty-five years to find Light. It would probably be that long or longer before another person managed to break through his defenses like Light has.

"I know," his companion (equal, rival, lover) whispers. "It isn't fair but we'll make the best of it, won't we? That's what we do best."

L doesn't cry but he thinks about it. He thinks about clinging to Light and telling him that he _loves_ him. He thinks about begging Light to back down and surrender but he knows that Light won't and he's not sure if he'd be able to respect Light nearly as much if he gave up his ideals for something as simple as romance. "I'll miss this," he says instead. "It… it will be lonely, won't it?"

"Yes," Light agrees with a hint of regret. "It will be."


End file.
